


can't you hear me knocking

by downtothewire



Series: neighbors [1]
Category: Marvel, Runaways (Comics), Runaways (TV 2017)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Neighbors, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-21
Updated: 2018-03-31
Packaged: 2019-04-05 00:36:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14032302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/downtothewire/pseuds/downtothewire
Summary: A Karolina and Nico Neighbors AUKarolina has recently moved to the apartment next to Nico's. Nico finds herself fascinated by the girl but doesn't understand why. Figuring it out, however, sends Nico spiraling into her own anxieties.





	1. Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first attempt of writing through Nico's perspective. Hope it's okay.
> 
> I'm thinking of writing another version of the story through Karolina's perspective, if that would be in anyone's interest please let me know :D
> 
> title by the way inspired by the rolling stones song

Nico is breaking into a million pieces and she fully blames all of it on one person. Nico was fine before all of this. She was in charge of her life, she felt in control. Then Karolina Dean came along and Nico's life stopped making sense, or maybe it started making sense - she doesn't even know. Nico rented one half of a two apartment complex in Los Angeles, the other half was Karolina's. Before Karolina lived there, her neighbors were fine. They didn't talk, they didn't bond, they kept to themselves, they were not Karolina. They were perfect. Nico misses them.

Nico's peaceful living situation shifted when they, whatever their names were, moved out and Karolina moved in. She remembers the first time she saw the girl.

Nico peeks outside, hiding herself, to scope out her new neighbor as she moves her boxes into the apartment. Opening the door, she sees a girl with purple hair struggling with the box she attempts to carry. Nico analyzes her intently, therefore, she doesn't notice when her actual neighbor walks up to her door.

"You must be my neighbor," the girl tells her.

Nico startles. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."

"It's okay," Nico says, "I'm Nico."

The girl is intimidating. She's a head taller than Nico with perfect blonde hair and legs that seem to go on forever. Anyone who says they are not intimidated by Karolina is lying. Nico believes it is impossible not to be.

"Karolina," she tells her and Nico extends her hand to her, "I'd shake your hand, but they're kind of busy right now." Karolina uses her head to motion towards the box in her hands.

Nico blushes at the realization and retracts it, "Right. Sorry."

"It's okay," Karolina says to her with a kind smile, "So, I guess I'll be seeing you around?"

"Yeah," Nico offers back.

"By the way, her name's Gert if you wanna talk to her, but fair warning: she has this whole thing going on with one guy for a while now. They're kind of complicated."

"Oh! No, that's not why-- I'm not-- I wasn't looking like that," Nico doesn't think she's ever been this flustered in her life before. She needs Karolina to know she wasn't thinking about the other girl in that way.

"Oh, I'm sorry… I just assumed--" Karolina tries to explain.

Nico interrupts her, "It's okay. I don't mind. I just wasn't looking like that."

Karolina exhales a light nervous laugh, "Okay, well, before I make this worst, I'm just gonna go put this indoors. I'll see you around."

With that Karolina moves away from Nico and towards her now open front door. Nico watches her go. 'Those legs can take very long strides,' is the last thing Nico thinks before she goes back inside the safety of her own home. This is the first time that Nico gets tongue tied, flustered, or says the wrong thing to Karolina. She doesn't understand what it is, but she can't get her act together around her. It only gets worse with time.

It starts to get bad one very hot summer day when Karolina is barely wearing clothes and Nico is in her signature black - not a good color for summer she has to admit. She shares a backyard with Karolina who currently is outside in her bikini sunbathing. Nico resides inside her apartment in the bliss of her air conditioned living room trying to read, but for some reason she can't keep her eyes off of what Karolina is doing - 'She's just laying there,' she thinks to herself, 'Just look away.'

Karolina seems to glow in the sun, and that's intriguing to Nico. She didn't quite understand it, but Karolina's tan skin seems to reflect the light that hit it. Once Nico realizes she's staring, she forces herself to look down at her book, and keep it together, damn it. She is able to get through five pages of her novel before she looks back up.

However, once she does, she notices Karolina is gone and Nico starts to panic.

Not a moment later, she hears a knock at her door. Nico's heart is beating out of her chest as she walks to open it. She is greeted by a whole lot of Karolina - all five feet, eight inches of her.

"Hey," Karolina greets her, "Oh God, it's freezing in here."

Nico is too busy staring at Karolina to understand what she says, "Hm?"

"It's freezing in here. Are you wearing a hoodie? It's summer."

Nico shrugs, "It's pretty cold in here." Karolina smiles at her.

"Wanna come hang outside?"

"Oh, no, thank you. I don't really care much for sunshine," Nico excuses.

"You don't have to be in the sun, you can just read on the porch. I just wanted some company, if you don't mind. I'm getting kind of bored," Karolina tells her.

"Oh, okay. Yeah. Let me just change into something more… weather adjacent." Weather adjacent? What was wrong with her?

Nico goes into her room and fusses over what she's going to wear. When she catches herself trying on her third outfit, she questions her actions but settles on dealing with them later. Finally, she chooses an outfit - one that doesn't involve a lot with short black denim shorts and a see through mesh top with her bikini underneath.

She grabs her book in the living room and walks outside, fiddling with a loose string on her shorts.

"You took your ti--" Karolina pauses and looks at Nico, "You look really good." Karolina blurts out and then blushes as if she let it slip. Nico feels warmer and she's not sure it's entirely due to the weather they are having. "Thanks," Nico replies and sits on the patio furniture to read her book. Nico isn't able to concentrate - reading the same paragraph over and over again. How can she when Karolina is just there. Karolina-- What was her last name?

"Hey," Karolina lowers her sunglasses and turns to Nico. Something that Nico's insides react pleasantly to.

"What's up?" Karolina asks.

"Um, it's stupid, but, like, what's your last name?"

Karolina looks at her confused, but also intrigued, "Dean, why?"

Nico blushes, "I'm not sure, I was just thinking about how I don't know it and then I wondered what it was and then I asked." Karolina Dean. She likes that name. Karolina is all but grinning at Nico, which doesn't help her blush to subside. She's flustered again. This is not how her conversations usually go. Nico is aware that she has a quick wit and is filled to the brim with sarcasm - about to overflow in it actually. So why can't she just talk normally to this girl?

"What's yours?" Karolina asks.

"Minoru," Nico answers.

"I don't want to sound ignorant, but Japanese?"

Nico nods. Karolina smiles at her. "I like it," she tells Nico. Nico really wishes Karolina would put on a shirt right now. She seems really comfortable with her body. Nico both envies and admires her for that.

"So, how'd you end up in LA?" Karolina continues.

"College, I went to UCLA."

"Oh, cool, I went to USC. I grew up in LA though."

"When'd you graduate?"

"Two years ago, you?"

"Me too."

Karolina stands up from the lawn chair she's sitting on and makes her way to Nico. She sits next to her on the patio sofa. She leans over Nico's shoulder to look at her book. This does not sit well with Nico's stomach that reacts once again to this girl's presence.

"What are you reading?"

"Frankenstein," Nico answers.

"That seems... expected. I half thought you would be reading some sort of YA rom-com novel to subvert the goth stereotype."

"Oh, so I'm a stereotype to you?" Nico challenges teasingly.

"Oh, no! No! Sorry. I like it, I swear! That's not what I meant. I was kidd--"

"I'm just messing with you," Nico says with a smirk plastered on her face. Maybe she didn't _completely_ lose her wit.

Karolina sighs in mock defeat, "That's fair."

"I do have a fair share of them though if that helps. I just felt like I met my quota of them for the month and wanted to seem smarter."

"For me?" Karolina teases flirtingly.

An alarm blares in Nico's brain as she realizes she did not mind that Karolina flirted with her. "I don't know..." Nico offers. Karolina's grin widens.

This is the moment Nico knows that this right now is flight or fight. She normally would consider herself a fighter, but something about Karolina makes Nico feel like she doesn't know herself all that well. So, she chooses flight.

"Well, it was good talking to you. I'm going to have to get in and get ready or I'm going to be late. I'm going out later on," Nico overly explains. 'Great now I'm going to have to go out later on,' she thinks right after.

Karolina seems disappointed, "Oh, okay. Yeah. That's okay. Have a nice time tonight."

Nico thanks her, stands up, and enters her apartment. She leans her back against the door as soon as she's out of sight. Looking out the window, she sees Karolina, still in the same spot, looking like something akin to a confused puppy. Nico's heart aches.

This continues for the longest time. Karolina will chat to Nico. Nico won't know what to say. She will choose maybe the stupidest possible thing to say. Then she will berate herself over every single word choice she made in their conversations later on at night when she can't sleep. She really needs to get this girl out of her head. She needs sleep again. Why is she so in her head anyway?

The answer would hit Nico like a freight train a couple of months after Karolina moves in.

It is a Friday night and Nico is too tired from work to go out to meet her friends. She could go out tomorrow, it's fine, she thinks. She's halfway through reading the new John Green novel - one of her favorite authors and something she will never admit to anyone, when there's a knock at her door. She opens it and on the other side of it is Karolina. This is really starting to become a habit. However, she soon realizes that Karolina's drunk and that was new.

"Hey," Karolina says, a drunk grin spread across her face.

"Hey," Nico offers back.

"Can I borrow a wine opener?" Karolina raises a bottle of wine she is holding so Nico can see.

"Yeah, of course. Come on in. Make yourself at home." Nico knows she will later mull over the fact that she actually said: 'make yourself at home'. She walks to the kitchen to look for the wine opener.

Soon she feels Karolina's presence behind her in the small kitchen. A kitchen that did not have the necessary dimensions to award Nico enough room between her and Karolina where her brain could properly function.

"What's taking so long?" Karolina whines.

"Don't be a baby, I'm looking for it," Nico grumbles rifling through her drawers. Karolina groans behind her. After a bit more searching, she finds it.

"Here you go." Nico hands Karolina the wine opener.

Karolina hesitates a bit before asking, "Do you wanna drink this with me?" her speech slightly slurred. Nico becomes even more aware of how small her kitchen is as Karolina makes the offer.

"I don't see why not," Nico says.

"I don't see why not? Geez, way to make a girl feel special."

Karolina sits on the couch and tasks herself with drunkenly trying to open the wine bottle. Nico can't bare to watch it much longer. She reaches the couch, grabs the book that's on it, and takes the seat next to Karolina - placing herself inches apart from the blonde. She takes the bottle from Karolina's hands, and sets the book down on the table.

"You really weren't kidding," Karolina says.

"About what?" Nico is too busy trying to open up the bottle to realize what she's talking about.

Karolina holds up the book in front of Nico's eyes, and the second realization dawns on her - the cork pops out of the wine bottle as it does. Karolina starts hysterically laughing at the coincidence. Nico tries to laugh along. When Karolina can finally breathe, she says between gasps: "Oh, come on! Don't be embarrassed. It's okay."

"How can you know? There's literally nothing that could be embarrassing about you. I mean, look at you."

"I'm hurt. You underestimate me. I happen to have three Nickelback songs saved on my Spotify," Karolina admits putting up three fingers while she's at it.

Nico pretends to think, "Yeah, that is too embarrassing. I'm afraid I'm going to need you to leave. There will be no Nickelback fans in this household." She pulls Karolina off the couch by the hand and then sits back down.

"I'm not a fan, I just think three songs are okay," Karolina explains.

"That's three songs too many. Don't try to sweet talk your way out of this one, buddy."

Nico grabs the wine from the coffee table and drinks it straight from the bottle.

"How am I supposed to drink from it now?" Karolina asks jokingly.

"You're not. You're supposed to be leaving remember?"

"What if I don't want to leave?" Nico notices that they are entering uncharted territory, but she doesn't mind. She likes it actually.

"Fine, stay all you want, but you're not getting any wine," Nico concedes nonchalantly. She takes two more gulps of it.

Karolina then lunges for the bottle in Nico's hand and removes it from her when she's least expecting. She only stops when she notices how this has left them very close from one another. She takes the bottle from Nico's hand and sips from it - never creating any distance between them. Nico's eyes look down at Karolina's lips as she sips from the bottle. Karolina then puts the bottle down on the table next to her and tucks a loose strand of Nico's hair behind her ear. She lets her hand rest on Nico's cheek - caressing it gently with her thumb. Nico's heart loses any sense of rhythm. Karolina looks down at Nico's lips before leaning in and kissing her.

Karolina pulls away quickly and her eyes search Nico's - waiting for Nico to show her if it's okay to continue. Nico throws caution to the wind and kisses her back.

They start off tentative, just lips against lips meeting, but when Karolina lightly bites Nico's bottom lip, the dark haired girl lets go of her self-control. She pushes Karolina back on the sofa and straddles her, immediately deepening the kiss as she does. Soon her lips leave Karolina's lips and head towards her neck. Karolina's hands are under her shirt grabbing her sides possessively. The dominance of which makes it all the more pleasurable for Nico.

Soon, both their shirts are removed and Nico is laying on Karolina placing her lips to Karolina's stomach. Nico can hear Karolina's reactions to her ministrations and she feels powerful. When she gets closer to Karolina's waistband, however, she quickly loses that feeling. It turns into fear of inexperience. Nico realizes she is in way over her head and kisses Karolina's body back up - landing on her mouth once more. They go back to making out.

When Karolina's hands slide down and reach for Nico's pants button, she panics. The non-impulsive side of her brain finally catching up to what is supposedly going to happen next when she senses the button being undone. She needs to understand first, she decides. She immediately adds as much space as she can between her and Karolina.

"Fuck..." Karolina mutters under her breath. She has her arm above her eyes and her head against the arm rest - a grin spread across her face, her breathing labored. Nico looks at her and sees her mouth, neck, and torso covered in black lipstick. Karolina finally lowers her arm to look at Nico. Any happiness that was there is completely wiped out as she sees the other girl's panic.

"Nico? Is everything okay?" Karolina asks in a hushed tone.

"Why were you drunk tonight?" Nico asks her.

"Um, what?"

"You arrived here drunk. What were you doing before coming here?"

"I went on a bad date," Karolina exhales as she explains.

"With a girl?"

"Yeah, with a girl."

Nico's stomach drops. She doesn't like the idea of Karolina with another girl.

"What was her name?"

"Nico, why are you--"

"Please answer," Nico pleads. She doesn't understand why she needs to know. Maybe she just enjoys torturing herself.

"Julie. Why does it matter? I'm here with you now," Karolina softly offers. She gets up from the couch and walks towards Nico. She rests her hand on her arm, but Nico won't look up at her.

"Is everything okay, Nico?"

"Would you mind leaving? I just need to think, I guess. This is a lot. Until you showed up I was pretty sure I was, you know, straight. It's just… a lot. I don't know."

"I understand. You need to take your time. I'll go, but know you can talk to me if you need." Karolina is kind and that just hurts Nico more. She's bittersweet about asking Karolina to leave, but right now she needs distance between them so she can think. She can't look at her and hasn't throughout this entire conversation. She just keeps looking down at her own feet, speaking only by mumbling.

Karolina walks through the door, "Bye, Nico." Nico doesn't respond. She is hit by a train alright, she just wishes she would've seen it coming.


	2. Middle

For the next two weeks, Nico avoids Karolina like it's her job. She memorizes Karolina's routine, and makes it her mission to not cross paths with the other girl. She knows, however, that Karolina is getting antsy, and this makes Nico anxious. She is seriously considering never again leaving her house.

One day she is making a quick exit towards her car on her way to work, when she hears Karolina call for her, "Nico!"

Nico pretends not to hear her - headphones over her ears but no music playing. She can hear her heartbeat pumping in her ears. Her head moves along to her own heartbeat as she pretends to the world she is listening to music. When Nico gets in her car, she looks to Karolina to see her dejectedly move back into her apartment. There is an obvious sadness in her that Nico hates to be the cause of, but she can't think right now. She still needs space. Everything just seems too much and she needs everything to stop so she can think.

That is until Karolina catches her distracted. She is getting ready to go out on a Saturday night with her sister, needing an excuse to think of something else when she hears a knock at the door. Assuming it was her sister who has promised her that this time she wouldn't be late, she just says, "Come in. It's open."

Karolina walks into her apartment and Nico is still not wearing a top. "Amy, when I said don't be late, I didn't mean be early."

"Who's Amy?" Karolina asks a hint of jealousy in her tone.

This makes Nico's veins turn to ice. Her stomach drops. She feels the nervous energy in the air. Putting on her top, she turns around.

"My sister. We're going out tonight," Nico tells her, her voice fragile.

"Oh, sorry," Karolina blushes, "Is this a bad time?" Karolina's tone is morose and Nico can't stand denying her anything she wants right now.

"No, go ahead. Don't worry about it," she throws back half heartedly.

"Can I talk to you?"

"Would you mind if I got ready while you did?"

"No, that's fine."

Nico makes her way towards the bathroom at the end of the hall. Karolina follows her, her hand fidgeting around the bracelet on her right arm - a nervous habit Nico has begun to notice. She goes into the bathroom and starts to apply her makeup. She just needs something to distract her right now.

"So, what's up?" Nico initiates the conversation busying herself with her foundation.

"I wanted to talk to you about that night," Karolina nervously utters.

Nico's hands stop, but continue a moment later slightly shakier than before. "What about it?"

"I wanted to see how you were. We haven't properly talked in a while. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"It's just that I don't know. I might be crazy but it seems you've been avoiding me. I've come to think of you as a friend. I don't want that to change."

Nico hates the word friend in this context - it annoys her. No, it infuriates her. "Friend is a loose term. We barely know each other," Nico venomously sasses at Karolina.

Karolina sighs, "Nico if you need someone to talk to--"

"Thanks, friend."

"Why are you being cruel right now? I'm just trying to help."

Nico doesn't like being called cruel. It's something other people have called her in the past and it has always hurt, but it seems to hurt more when Karolina says it.

"You're being cruel to me," Nico replies in a childish tone. The tone gives her away and Karolina understands.

"Is this because I said friend?" Karolina tries.

Nico is quiet, her body cold. She has now moved onto her concealer.

"Nico, I wouldn't have kissed you if I thought of you as just a friend. You know that, right?"

Nico is still stoic and watching herself go through the motions of applying her makeup, but completely dissociating from it. Karolina moves closer to Nico, she can feel Karolina's body heat on her back. "Sorry I called you cruel, you're not." Nico can already feel her frostiness melt away.

"If this is about you thinking I don't want you, you know you don't have to worry about that right?" Karolina comes up behind Nico and starts to kiss the back of her neck. She runs her fingers over the side of it, followed by placing three gentle kisses on her nape. "Cause I want you," Karolina says - her breath on Nico's neck. "I really do," she finishes as her fingers continue to move. The makeup is completely forgotten about at this point as Nico stands blissfully frozen.

"That's not it. Well, that's not entirely it," Nico finally speaks.

Karolina gently lets go of Nico's neck at her response and moves back. Nico misses the sensation of Karolina's fingers gently massaging her. She turns around to finally look at the taller girl.

"I just don't know anymore, you know? Everything is so confusing. I just need everything to stop for a bit. My head is just filled with everything that's going on in the world and it feels like it's about to explode and I need it to stop."

"Do you need me to stop?"

Nico nods before she can stop herself, not being able to look Karolina in the eyes. She wasn't sure if she was being honest by telling Karolina she needed her to stop. She didn't want her to stop. Nico really liked the girl. Why couldn't she just tell her?

"Okay, I understand. Talk to me when you're ready, okay?" Karolina soothes her with her sweet raspy voice. Nico can feel her eyes burning with tears, but she forces herself not to cry. Karolina brushes Nico's arm and moves her hair off the side of her face so she can kiss her cheek.

Karolina walks out of the bathroom. Then, Nico hears the front door opening, which is followed by two separate voices.

"Oh, hey! I'm Amy, Nico's sister," Amy greets Karolina.

"Karolina," Karolina answers back.

"It's nice to meet you."

"You too. I was just about to head out, but you two have fun tonight," Karolina says. Nico can hear the nerves in her voice.

"Thanks," Amy answers back.

When the conversation doesn't continue, Nico goes back to applying her makeup - trying not to give any emotions away. Her sister walks into the bathroom.

"You're still not ready? God, what's the point of being on time?" Amy exclaims.

Nico shrugs and grabs her eyeliner to apply.

"Who was that anyway?" Amy questions.

Nico can't think of anything to answer that seems truthful enough, so, she settles on the one thing she was sure that Karolina was to her, "My neighbor," she offers back to her sister.

Things are awkward between Nico and Karolina after that. Karolina has promised Nico her space, and she delivers. Karolina isn't purposefully avoiding her or being rude to her in anyway, but Nico can feel Karolina making an effort not to be present when they do see each other. They will say hi to each other before moving inside their homes and make sure they aren't in the backyard at the same time, but there isn't much communication between them.

During this time, Nico is becoming more comfortable with her sexuality. She likes girls and she likes boys, and that is fine. She only tells her sister about her doubts for now. And, well, Karolina also knows, she guesses, but she's not sure that counts. With Karolina it just sort of happened, she never told her.

She recently kissed a girl on a night out. She knows now that she likes kissing girls as much as she likes kissing boys. She also realizes that she likes kissing Karolina a lot more than she ever liked kissing anyone before. So, when she sees a girl kissing Karolina outside her apartment two months after their talk in the bathroom, Nico's heart breaks.

Nico's walking into her house, so, she unfortunately has to be a part of the entire situation. The girl greets Nico kindly as she leaves Karolina behind with a shy smile on her face. Karolina is sporting the same one. Karolina turns when she hears Nico being greeted by the girl.

Karolina blushes, "Nico, hi."

"Hey." Nico offers back.

The air is charged after that - a heavy silence hanging in the night sky. Nico walks to her front door and unlocks it when her curiosity takes control of her body. There is also jealousy that dictates what she says next, but Nico is unwilling to admit to that part just yet. "Are you guys dating?"

"Um… kind of. I'm not sure yet, it hasn't been too long," Karolina discloses.

"What's her name?" She backtracks a second later, "Sorry, it's okay if you don't want to say." Nico dreads the answer.

"That's okay. Her name's Julie."

Julie. The name hangs in the air as Nico remembers that this is the girl from two months ago. The bad date. That hurts more than if she didn't know who the girl was.

"I thought she was a bad first date," Nico tells her in a lighthearted teasing tone.

Karolina laughs for a second, "She was. Good second date though, took me a while to come around, but I thought I'd give it a shot."

"I'm glad you're happy," Nico tells her adding as much of her own feelings into that simple statement as she can. Karolina smiles at her, but it doesn't quite reach her eyes.

"Thanks, Nico," Karolina says, "I'm glad you're happy too."

She doesn't ask Nico if she's happy, she just states it. Maybe she doesn't really want to know. Karolina then unlocks her door and enters her apartment. Nico is suddenly very overwhelmed. Her lungs feel like they have lost the ability to expand in order for oxygen to flow. The world seems to be closing in. Her breaths come sporadically. Nico has had enough of these to realize what a panic attack is. She works through the breathing exercises her therapist taught her.

Nico kind of spirals after that. She doesn't enjoy emotions and she doesn't like dealing with them. She very much enjoys the moments when she isn't feeling anything of her own - fully engrossed in some novel or another consumed by fictional worlds instead of hers. She normalizes that getting drunk is like that. She can live in a dream-like state full of adventures and blame the alcohol in the morning for any misconduct.

One day, a month later, Karolina knocks on Nico's door to invite her to a party she is having tonight, and tells her if she doesn't want to come this could also be seen as a warning about the noise so she doesn't complain. Nico is quick to accept Karolina's invite. Alcohol and Karolina in the same environment will either be a recipe for success or disaster, and Nico was willing to take the risk at this point. She doesn't know what else to do. Anything to stop feeling like she's feeling right now. She asks if it was okay to bring her sister, to which Karolina agrees. Thank God, because Nico needs the moral support.

When night comes, Nico dresses her best. Her sister sees her and smirks knowingly at her. "What?" Nico asks with an edge to her voice.

"Nothing at all. You just look nice. Any particular reason why?" Amy knows exactly the reason why.

"You're insufferable," Nico responds.

"I'm your older sister. My sole mission in life is terrorizing you," Amy shoots back.

"Right back at you," Nico says.

"Come on, Grumpy. Let's go." Amy takes Nico by the arm and they walk the one hundred feet it takes to arrive to Karolina's. Amy knocks on the door. As they wait, Amy can feel Nico's nervous energy. "Long commute," She says trying to break the ice. Nico smiles at her.

The door opens to reveal a surprised Julie on the other side of it. She smiles at Nico. "Hey, Nico," she greets her. "Hey, Julie," Nico greets back. A silence hangs before Amy breaks it again, "Hey, I'm Amy. Nico's sister," Amy tells Julie. Julie turns to her, "Oh, hey, I'm sorry. I'm Julie."

Julie shakes Amy's hand, "Come on in. Make yourselves comfortable."

They enter the apartment and Nico realizes that she's never been here before. The times Karolina and her hung out was either outside or at Nico's. It's as perfectly put together as Nico would have imagined. The whole place is mostly dominated by white, but there are splashes of pastel colors. It reminds Nico of the ocean, like Karolina's eyes. She shakes herself out of the daydream about Karolina's eyes rationalizing that she was Julie's girlfriend now and not Nico's... something.

Nico watches as Julie walks to Karolina to whisper something in her ear. Karolina looks to Nico and then to Julie, an apology on her lips. Nico isn't sure why, but she feels guilty as Karolina looks back up at her. They talk in hushed tones and then move towards the back of the apartment.

They are gone a long time and Nico copes with it through excessive amounts of alcohol - it makes her not wonder and think straight. She soon finds herself entirely wasted sitting on a couch between Karolina's friends Gert and Chase. She recognizes Gert and they laugh over Nico and Karolina's first interaction. She can tell that Gert and Chase like each other, but something tells Nico that the other doesn't know about the reciprocated affections. This guy is probably the one that Karolina was talking about when she said it was complicated between her friend and some guy.

Drunk and slurring Nico takes a chance, "You guys are cute. How long have you been dating?"

Chase chokes on his beer and starts to cough as he gets the next phrase out between bated breaths, "We're not together." Judging by his reaction, Nico hit the hammer on the nail.

"Yeah, dating is so heteronormative," Gert adds.

"What she said," Chase finishes.

Nico decides to push a little harder, "Oh, okay. I just assumed, because--" Amy watches the look of horror on both people's faces sitting next to her sister. She sighs and excuses herself from talking to Alex telling him she'd come back in a second. She reaches her sister before she can finish her statement.

"Come on, let's go home," Amy drags her sister up.

"It was nice meeting you, guys. Tell me when you confess to each that you like each other!" Nico screams at a beet-red Chase and Gert each sitting at one end of the couch - as far away as possible from each other.

As they're walking by Alex, Amy tells him, "I'm going to take her home. She lives next door. I'll be right back." Alex smiles widely at her.

Amy drops her home, tells her to go to bed, and walks back to the party. Nico knocks her knee against her coffee table as she's making her way to her room, swearing to get rid of the pain. She goes into the kitchen and wraps some ice in a cloth, and applies it to her knee - to avoid bruising in the morning. Then, she hears people fighting.

It's coming from her backyard, and Nico moves closer to see what's happening. There she finds Karolina and Julie.

"I asked you one thing, Karolina!" Julie scolds.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't just not do it, standing there," Karolina says.

"Yes! You could've! You just didn't want to!" Julie is brimming with anger and Nico starts to feel like she's invading their privacy. She's about to go into her room, when Julie turns around to leave and sees her. She doesn't say anything to Nico as she walks out, only lowers her head. Karolina doesn't follow her. She sits on the grass and picks at it, looking defeated.

Nico turns around to go into her room, but Karolina's voice stops her, "What happened to your knee?"

"I hit it against my coffee table just now."

Karolina looks at her inquisitively, "How drunk are you?"

"Definitely not sober."

They pause smiling shyly at each other. 

"How much of that did you hear?" Karolina inquires.

"Almost nothing."

"So, you don't know what it was about?"

Nico shakes her head.

"Oh," Karolina starts, "It was about you."

"Me?" Nico asks.

"Julie didn't want me to invite you to the party."

This angers Nico. "Should I feel guilty?" She asks rhetorically, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

"That's not what I meant. I don't know what I meant really. I didn't mean to say that that way."

"Yes, you did," Nico replies, "You're the one who started dating someone, Karolina."

"Because you told me to stay away."

"I told you I needed time."

"No. You told me to stop, because you needed to understand. So, I stopped. You said you were going to talk to me once you did understand, and you never talked to me. I just saw you getting home drunk every night. Once with a girl, so, I'm pretty sure you understand now."

"I needed time, Karolina."

"That's not the point. What was I supposed to do, Nico? Just wait? I waited for two months for you to talk to me, and you never did. I assumed you weren't going to."

"I don't know what I was going to do, and I can't tell you what you're supposed to do, Karolina. All I know is this sucks and I'm drunk. This is supposed to be a great time for me. I'm supposed to be discovering myself, but I can't."

"No one's telling you not to discover yourself. Go out and do whatever you want, Nico. I'm not stopping you." Karolina looks hurt at the accusation, but then she turns dejected, "I just, I can't fight with someone else tonight, okay?"

Nico nods then walks into her house, "You made your choice, Karolina. You chose someone else. Live with it. I'm living with my choices. No matter how shitty they mostly are."

"We should just not talk to each other anymore."

Nico closes the door and walks to her room. She locks herself in there and decides she'll come out when she's good and ready: a week from now. She'll have to use up her sick days at work. She hasn't felt this unhappy for as long as she can remember.

So, Nico's breaking into a million pieces and she fully blames all of it on one person - herself.


	3. End

Nico and Karolina don't really talk after that. They don't talk at all actually. For a week Nico stayed home, only seeing her sister when she forced herself into Nico's home. She also sees Karolina checking if she was around before leaving her house everyday - sighing in relief when she realizes she wasn't. It further breaks Nico's heart every time, but she forces herself to watch. They avoid each other for a month.

It feels horrible, being hated by the person you are falling in love with. Karolina is kind and caring. She has a radiant smile and she is gorgeous. Nico ruined it. She lost Karolina, because she is too in her head. She deeply wishes she could be more spontaneous. Not overthinking every action of hers for months before coming to a conclusion when it's too late. If she had just accepted herself sooner, she could be with Karolina. Could, would, should. Nico's life just feels like a huge aggregation of moments where she should have acted and she chose to do nothing.

On one of Nico's worst nights, she's stumbling home to see Karolina and Julie sitting outside on the patio together. This situation was the opposite of what Nico needed right now. She just needed her bed and to keep living in the comfort of this haze where nothing happened.

As she's walking up the stairs, Karolina avoids her gaze, choosing to look down at her tea mug instead. Julie on the other hand watches Nico concerned. She safely makes her way to the couple of steps that lead to their shared patio. She tries to stealthily climb them, however, she of course trips and lands on her knees.

In an instant, both Julie and Karolina are around her helping her up. She shakes both of them off.

"I'm okay," she tells them unkindly.

"Nico, I don't think-" Karolina starts.

"I thought you weren't fucking talking to me," Nico means for her tone to come off as defensive, but it sounds mostly fragile and unsure. She finally looks at Karolina and sees the hurt plain as day that's plastered on her face. She knows she'll regret those words in the morning, but right now she's too drunk to care. Then, she sees the kind sadness in Julie's - sympathetic pity. They both look at her with pity. She hates this feeling. She walks into her house without thanking them.

After that night, Nico decides she isn't drinking anymore, and she doesn't for a couple of weeks. She decides she needs to be honest with herself about her feelings and find a healthy way to move on. She mostly does. She starts meditating and taking time to treat herself better, but the bottom of her heart still aches for Karolina. That is until Amy comes around her house one night and forces her to go out with her to a bar because it's 'her older sister's birthday' as she puts it. There she meets her sister's… something, Alex. They aren't officially a couple, but they sure seem to like each other, so Nico is unsure of what to call him. Seeing them happy makes Nico drink shot after shot of tequila. She's happy for her sister, but a part of her can't help but desire what her sister has. She's jealous she could've had that and she let it slip through her fingers. She drinks, because she can't be vulnerable right now, she rationalizes. When she gets home, everything around Nico is spinning.

Her alcohol addled brain ends up leading her to Karolina's door, where she knocks and knocks but no one answers. She just needs to speak her piece, be truthful for once, and then she can move on. She takes a seat with her back to the door. She might as well wait. Soon Nico falls asleep against Karolina's door.

Nico wakes up the next morning feeling like shit - it was the only word that could describe it. Her head is throbbing and her stomach hurts. She turns to the side and drinks the water left there, her stomach reacts badly to it as she starts to feel nauseous. She looks around and realizes that she doesn't know where she is, she doesn't know whose clothes she's wearing - making her sicker. With that Nico's stomach flips and she runs to the bathroom, emptying the contents of it.

She has her face against the porcelain when she hears a soft knock. Her heart starts beating faster, the panic comes back to her. "Nico?" she hears a soft voice on the other side of the door.

"Karolina?" Nico feels like she's dreaming.

"I'm coming in, okay?" Karolina takes her silence as a response, because she walks in to see Nico looking completely worse for wear. Nico can only imagine how scary she looks at that moment with last night's makeup hunched over a toilet bowl where she feels like she might have just thrown up a lung.

"Okay, wait. Let me help." Karolina runs two hand towels under cold water. She hands one to Nico, "Put this on your forehead." Nico does as told. Karolina, then, uses the second one to wipe the corner of her mouth and the rest of her makeup off.

Karolina looks in her eyes, holding Nico's face in her hands, "Do you usually drink this much?" she asks, worriedly. Nico shakes her head. "Okay… promise?"

"I do," Nico replies, "It's just… It's just been a bad couple of weeks."

"Nico, I need to make sure you're not lying to me."

"I'm sorry, Karolina. I really am. I promise this isn't me. I had stopped drinking. I was just... weak last night," Nico's eyes start to water.

"Okay," she nods at Nico understandingly with her eyes closed, "I have one more thing for you."

Karolina stands up and walks towards her sink cabinet. She opens it and grabs a new toothbrush and places it next to the sink. "One second. I'll be right back," she tells her. When Karolina comes back she's carrying sweatpants, a sweater, and a towel. She places them all next to the stall.

"You can shower, I'll be right outside making breakfast," she tells Nico. When she's about to leave, Nico's voice stops her.

"Karolina?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

"Don't worry about it." Karolina leaves with a kind smile, and Nico gets in the shower.

After Nico showered she was feeling slightly better about her appearance, but worst about her guilt. Was she trying to purposely ruin Karolina's relationship? She wasn't this person, and she didn't want to start being this person now. She hates herself. She has to leave. Nico's guilt is worsened when she walks into the living room and sees the couch with blankets and a pillow - clearly having been slept on.

She moves to walk out of Karolina's apartment and out of her life altogether. She decides to give the girl a break when a voice stops her.

"Nico? Where are you going?"

"I was…" Nico exhales, "I was just going to leave you alone. You've done a lot for me already, Karolina. Thank you. I'm really sorry again."

"Can I do one more thing for you?" Nico nods, "I made breakfast for two people, and I don't really want to throw food away. Will you eat it?"

Nico can't help the smile that plasters itself on her face. She couldn't say no if she tried, "Yeah, of course."

She follows Karolina into the kitchen and sits at the small dining table already with two plates filled with food. "I'm sorry it's vegan, it's all I have in the house."

"It's perfect. Thanks," Nico replies.

They sit at the table and Nico waits for Karolina to start eating first. When she does, Nico starts to devour her own plate. She stops once between shoveling food into her mouth to ask Karolina a question, "So, you're vegan?"

"Yeah."

"Wow, and you call me a stereotype? Hypocritical," Nico smiles at Karolina showing her she's clearly joking. Karolina starts to laugh out loud.

"You know, you're funny in a sarcastic kind of way," Karolina tells her.

"Oh, I'm usually funnier. I would just get too tongue tied around you to speak."

"You would?"

Nico nods.

"Then why aren't you now?"

"I don't know. This feels comfortable, I guess," Nico admits shrugging, then ruins it, "How's Julie?" She always ruins it, doesn't she? But she has to know - know the extent of her own mistakes.

"We broke up."

"I'm sorry," Nico guiltily replies. She'll leave the girl alone for good soon enough.

Karolina automatically gets awkward and they finish eating in silence. The rest of breakfast has a morose atmosphere of goodbye. After it, Nico starts making moves to leave Karolina. So she can be happy, she tells herself. Nico holds tight to her clothes from last night in her arms. She just needs to say something first - better to be honest about how you feel at some point, she decides.

"I'll bring you these back washed, I promise," she says as she gestures to Karolina's clothes she's wearing.

Karolina smiles, "Don't worry about it."

"You tell me not to worry about it a lot."

"Because you worry too much."

Nico smiles, "That's very true." After a pause, she builds up the courage to speak, "Karolina, I just wanted to say I know you hate me, but--"

"I don't hate you," Karolina interrupts softly.

"You don't? Wait, actually, just let me say this. Okay, let me rephrase that. I know I'm not your favorite person right now, but I just wanted to say that I think you're great. I think you're the kindest person I know, and I hope someday I'm good enough to deserve someone like you. Thank you for everything, really."

Karolina is speechless. She just stares softly at Nico.

"Well, that's all I had to say," Nico says, "I promised myself I'd be more open and honest about how I was feeling. And I just want to say I really care about you. I think you're awesome, but I'll leave you alone now."

Karolina's look changes once Nico says the last part, she looks confused. Nico takes her silence as speechlessness. "Well, I'm gonna go now. I'll leave you alone. I promise. Bye," Nico finishes. She walks away from Karolina willing herself not to look back. She unlocks the door to her apartment and goes inside.

She locks the door. There it was. She'll make sure to leave Karolina alone for good now. She owes her at least that much. Nico's eyes start to tear up and she allows herself to cry - continuing to follow her new policy of allowing herself to feel. Nico sits on the floor mourning the loss of Karolina as her heart hurts.

But then, what's come to be Nico's favorite sound in the world, manifests itself once again as she hears a knock at her door. Oh, how she missed that. She rushes to the door and opens it to find Karolina who is already ranting.

"You don't get to leave after saying that shit, Ni--" Karolina sees that Nico is crying, "Don't cry." Karolina starts to clean Nico's eyes with her thumbs. She lets her palms rest on Nico's cheeks. They're looking at each other intently, blue meeting brown and vice versa. Here and now Nico decides 'fuck it, they've wasted enough of each other's times'. She leans in and passionately kisses Karolina.

They have no time to be soft or gentle, too much time was wasted already. Nico pulls away and drags Karolina into her apartment. She reaches her room and they automatically fall into bed. One caress leading to another. One bite leading to the next. When Karolina is finally poised between Nico's legs, she stops her ministrations and looks up, "Are you sure?" she asks in a teasing tone.

"Karolina, if you don't fucking--"

Nico never has a chance to finish.

After the fact, Karolina is lying on her back and Nico is softly tracing her spine. Nico doesn't think she's ever felt this way about someone else. She has to say something.

"I can see myself wanting to be with you for a really long time," Nico admits, shyly.

"I can see myself wanting to be with you forever," Karolina offers back, confidently.

It isn't I love you, but it feels like more. They kiss softly after that, aware that they now have all the time in the world. Maybe they could tear down the wall and make one big apartment? Who knows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you liked it, working on making Karolina's version of events


End file.
